Woman displays banner in Beijing seeking revenge for brother's death, 2005

Ralph Jennings is a journalist and long time resident of China. He currently lives in Taipei. From mid-2000 to 2006, he had an advice column in the 21st Century weekly newspaper in which he answered letters from thousands of students and young professionals. Below is a letter from the archive, with an introduction by Jennings.

Family strife is seldom talked about in China. Dark households face the outside with radiant smiles while combatants inside hide their troubles.

They may be dogged by a dragged-out divorce or a drug-addicted teenager. Parents may gamble away family funds or beat their children. Sudden and possibly preventable deaths, unspoken of even among relatives, hang heavily yet quietly in the air.

But younger people, pressed by a feeling of obligation to turn the lights back on inside, occasionally write to 21st Century seeking advice that they can't seek elsewhere. One example:

Dear Ralph,

Seven years ago, my father changed his job and had an affair with one of his colleagues. Since then, my family has changed. Before, we were a happy family. Now my father comes back home late in the night and sometimes not at all.

What’s worse, he started shouting at my mother and beats her heavily. My mother has been deeply hurt. Gradually, I became a pessimistic girl with few words. Two years ago, my father changed his job again, and I thought everything was over.

But a few months ago, my mother discovered that he still kept in touch with that woman. When I came back from college, Mother told me about this. I am so disappointed. I've become deadened to what has happened around me. Right now, I really do not know what I can do to adjust myself.

I want to be an optimistic girl but I always think of the miserable past. I really want to change. Would you please help me?

Kathleen, via e-mail
October 2005