Ralph Jennings is a journalist and long time resident of China. He currently lives in Taipei. From mid-2000 to 2006, he had an advice column in the 21st Century weekly newspaper in which he answered letters from thousands of students and young professionals.

The paper is aimed at young Chinese people who want to learn English. Owned by the The China Daily 21st Century has nationwide distribution, so the letters asking for advice came from all over the country. They depict common struggles among younger people in China in the early years of the 21st century and tell stories that have shaped the generation that is moving into the adult world now.

Below is the first of a series of letters that Danwei will republish from time to time, with permission from Jennings and 21st Century.

I'm a girl in senior middle school grade two. In junior middle school I did very well in my studies. But when I entered senior middle school I began to taste the bitterness of failing.

A girl who was not as good as me in junior middle school surpassed me. I was very sad. My mother often scolded me. She couldn't understand me. All she knows how to do is scold and satirize me. I can't stand her, so when I return home I don't want to talk to her. She never wants to encourage me. When I do a good job, she only says, "don't be so proud. Do you think you really did that well? Think of XXX, she did better than you." When I do something bad, she says, "what are you doing? Think of XXX, she is always better than you."

I don't want to be compared! We are different persons! All she does is reduce my self confidence.

I had an open-heart talk with her. But she just said coldly, "when you grow up, you will know that I did good for you. I don't want you to be proud." Am I proud? Never. I just want to give myself confidence.

You may think she is just strict with me. She isn't. She never forces me to do anything. She just thought I wasn't so good, but she never helps me.

My mother was my idol. She was beautiful and intelligent. When I was young, I could tell my friends proudly, "my mother is an undergraduate!" But now she has turned into a vulgar woman.

I can't communicate with her. I don't want to go near her. But among classmates I am a smart, lively, talkative girl. What should I do?

Cinderella, Shanxi, April 17, 2002