An open letter to Time magazine from Danwei reader Hu Yue:

Dear Time Magazine,

Symantec’s Norton Anti-Meme 2005 Software has detected the presence of the virus/meme CREALTAGOI in the article “Return of the Bourgeois Dogs” in your magazine. Please read the article again and note our virus/meme definition and removal instructions below.

----------------------------------------------------

Time Magazine: Return of the Bourgeois Dogs

Massacred in the Cultural Revolution, pet pooches reemerge to signal the triumph of capitalism

Cassius is a Miniature Schnauzer with oversized ears, who joined my household courtesy of the Naughty Pets store in Shanghai. The idea of keeping pets — naughty or otherwise — had long been taboo in the People's Republic of China. During the 1966-76 Cultural Revolution, Chairman Mao's Red Guards killed pet dogs by the tens of thousands, seeing them as symbols of the pampered bourgeoisie his Communist regime was out to eradicate. Even dogs being bred for their meat in southern China were exterminated, and gourmets dissuaded from tasting the rich flesh lest they become infected by class depravity.

But China's booming free market experiment has brought the bewhiskered icons of capitalist decadence back to the nation's cities, tails held high. Given that the requisite annual dog license in Shanghai costs $240, it's no surprise that pet ownership is largely confined to the new moneyed classes. Although Cassius still gets curious looks when she goes on her morning jaunts — one local was convinced she was a rabbit, another that she was a furry robot — Shanghai is now home to more than 100,000 licensed pooches. The Shanghai Jinli Pet Company, one of the city's oldest, offers breeds like the Welsh Corgi for $1,800 — five times the annual income of an average Chinese farmer. Although small dogs are more prevalent due to the city's cramped living quarters, a massive Saint Bernard comes to Naughty Pets for his biweekly pedicure, trailed by a maid whose primary job appears to be wiping away his slobber with a towel.

An entire industry now caters to China's pets, who, like the spoiled offspring of the country's one-child policy, lap up the attention. Animal salons shape dogs into brilliantly hued canine topiaries; orange and pink are the most popular colors, especially for poodles whose dyed coats complement their owners' wardrobes. Naturally, you can buy doghouses with certified "relaxing and comfortable fengshui." There's even a cremation service specifically for dogs, which makes sense since some Buddhists believe the animals are the reincarnation of humans who were a bit too naughty in their previous lives.

Canine coddling has gotten so out of hand that many Baobaos and Baobeis — two of the most popular dog names in Shanghai, translated as "treasure" and "baby" respectively — are carried around in little tote bags to protect their pedicured paws from sidewalk dirt. Cassius still prefers to use her own four legs, but the port-a-pup scheme does help evade a municipal decree that bans dogs from walking the streets during daylight hours. The official rationale? Modern cities shouldn't have doggie poop. Apparently, the Shanghai officials who devised the regulation haven't been to Paris.

VIRUS DEFINITION: CREALTAGOI (AKA, “Cultural Revolution ended a long time ago, get over it.”)

This virus-meme is especially virulent and considered to be dangerous to accurate reporting.

COMMON SPECIMENS OF CREALTAGOI-GENERATED SUBHEDS:
- The Chinese drank mud during the CR, and now they're drinking Perrier.
- The Chinese rode bicycles during the CR, and now they're driving Benz's.
- The Red Guards ate human flesh during the CR, now they're eating sushi.
- Chairman Mao must be rolling in his...
-Men from South Carolina were averse to cleaning their toe cheese during the American Civil War, but now they’re waxing the insides of their ears.
- Plato was alive in the 4th Century B.C., but now he's dead.

SUSPECT PHRASES:
“long been taboo,” “triumph of capitalism,” “booming free market,” “farmer” and “now.”

REMOVAL INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Download a calendar from the 20th century. [If you’re not sure what the 20th century is, it is widely considered to be the one that happened before the one we’re stuck in now.]

2. Count the number of years since 1976. (Yes, 2000 counts as an actual year. Don’t get confused by all the zeroes)

3. Take a deep breath. Get over it. Let it go. See if you could perhaps try comparing 2005 to 2000. Let the Cultural Revolution be. (Unless you can actually afford the wordcount and depth to somehow get us from the CR to now in a meaningful way that neither distorts the CR nor distorts the present.) Yes, a lot has indeed happened since the Civil War, the last Ice Age and the Big Bang. It will be okay. Things do change. And they certainly didn't stop or start changing in 1976.

Sincerely Yours,
The Symantec Anti-Meme Team